At some point in their life, everyone gets dumped. Unless of course, you're the dumper — in which case, who are you and what is your special, sadistic magic ?
Sure, everyone has their reasons for cutting ties. If you're the dumpee, chances are that you're just not their type, they're not ready for a relationship or let's not lie — they're a little bit cuter than you.
But sometimes the reasons are vague, erratic, dumb. Sometimes you just look too much like their Uncle Bob. Other times you use too many emoticons in your texts. Every once in a while, someone will dump you because you can't stop quoting The Big Bang Theory — and that is fair, that is right, that is just.
We've all either dumped, or been dumped by someone, for seemingly minor reasons. Here's a look at 29 real reasons people decided to look for love somewhere else.
THE DUMPER:
1. "They kept calling me 'yummy' in their texts to me. They wouldn't stop."
2. "I broke up with someone because their name was Ross and Friends came back on the air and I couldn't stop associating him with David Schwimmer."
3. "He told me his favorite movie was
The Notebook."
4. "His big dick popped out of his pants on the first date and everyone in the train was watching. I walked away. I had no regrets."
5. "He got fired from his job as a part-time custodian in a porn warehouse. I mean, c'mon."
6. "She said she was a Hufflepuff."
7. "He used the wrong version of they're in a sentence. It required the possessive!"
8. "She got drunk, jumped in front of a cab and told me to 'save her.' Red flag?"
or
9. "She told me she was a bi-curious switchy polyamorous lesbian faun in a relationship with a magical dwarf. That was just a lot of sentence for me to handle."
10. "I found their LiveJournal."
11. "He made a Star Wars pun during sex."
12. "They wore an embarrassingly high level of SPF."
13. "They insisted on wearing socks during sex. Not even the good ones. Wigwams."
14. "He sent me a Rumi love poem over email."
15. "He signed off every email with a fucking GIF."
16. "She would talk all the way through sex. And not even like sexy stuff. Boring stuff about her day, like the type of aluminum foil she picked up from Key Foods."
17. "He was living in a former DEA van in a parking lot. He was a teacher. He had choices."
THE DUMPEE:
18. "They told me they were moving across the country to San Francisco. They never did."
19. "They said they weren't interested in dating anyone, even though they were still active on OkCupid and one week later they went out on a date with my friend."
20. "He said he couldn't date anyone because his therapist said he was a sociopath?
21. "I liked her, but I'm not sure if she liked me back. At the end of the date, I gave her a hug, and then promptly fell down a set of stairs. I never heard from her again."
22. "I invited her to a Dave Matthews Band concert. I think that killed our romance for good."
23. "I have no idea why she dumped me, but she kept blaming Mercury retrograde."
24. "He told me that I was getting in the way of his 'creative process.' He was 16 at the time."
25. "I was just 'too beautiful' for her to be with."
26. "He said me he really liked me, but that he was dead inside."
27. "She told me that romantic love was one of capitalism's greatest weapons, designed to keep us oppressed. But she wanted to stay friends. For political reasons."
28. "They thought I was great, but they were 'anti-human relationships.'"
29. "They didn't like the way all the crumbs came out of my mouth when I ate. They said it was 'revolting.' Now this, I understand."
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